


This is an intervention

by wizardoface



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: #James Potter loves Lily Evans, #and thems the facts, #basically not there but i love them, #because everything i write is a bit ridiculous at some point, #but he's a bit of a dick, #can you tell?, #crack, #i've never tagged before, #just a bit of crack, #like, #lovestruck James Potter, #pining, #pining and whining, #really minor, #so there, #we love him though, #whining, F/M, Gen, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28678275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardoface/pseuds/wizardoface
Summary: James was seriously getting on Sirius' nerves. Could he shut up about Lily Evans for just ONE MOMENT, PLEASE?Just one day. That's all he was asking for.One day without Evans-talk.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	This is an intervention

“It’s over. She’s never going to go out with me.”

Sirius looked up from the magazine he was flicking through to stare at his best friend with a raised eyebrow.

“What clued you in?”

James just rolled his eyes, stomped over to his bed and threw himself onto the mattress dramatically, flinging his arm over his eyes with a loud sigh. Sirius scoffed at the display and turned back to his magazine. He was used to James’ antics and moods after five and a half years of knowing the boy, but his Lily-induced dramatics were still his very least favourite.

The Lily-mania had started around the middle of second year, when James’ had witnessed Lily hexing a fourth year Ravenclaw over a comment the student had made about ‘soul-less gingers’ or something. Lily had, in true Lily form, gone from zero to a hundred in half a second, whirling on the unsuspecting fourth year with a lovely rendition of a colour-change charm mixed with an enlargement spell, and paired with a shout of ‘I’ll show you soul-less!’.

The Ravenclaw had walked around with vibrant red hair and an enlarged forehead for two weeks before Professor McGonagall finally took pity on him.

Needless to say, the boy never bothered Lily again.

Sirius smiled. Now that he thought about it, _that_ was one of his favourite memories of the Gryffindor girl. It completely stripped away his previous preconceptions of the girl, and simultaneously terrified the shit out of him. If Lily Evans ever came at him with her wand out, he would gladly hand his over and pledge eternal servitude on cowed knee.

James, however, had taken the display to mean that he and Lily were destined to be together, and had become smitten with her ever since. The red-headed girl never gave him the time of day, however. Hence, the pity party that was currently James Fleamont Potter.

As if on cue, James let out another dramatic sigh, flinging his arm out to his side and tilting his head to look at Sirius.

“Aren’t you going to comfort me, or whatever?”

Sirius snorted, “Not on your life, Potter.”

“Some friend, you are.” James mumbled as he turned on his side away from Sirius, crossing his arms as he huffed.

Sirius simply rolled his eyes, going back to his magazine. _Drama Queen._

* * *

“Oi, Evans!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. It seemed James was at it again. When would the prick finally understand, _Lily Evans did_ not _want to go out with him?_

Sirius was just exiting his Arithmancy class, the only one he had without James. He sat with Lily and Remus during class, and had ever since the three of them had been assigned a group project back in fourth year. That assignment marked the beginning of his friendship with Lily, even if it had been grudging on both parts to begin with.

Remus had already been friendly with Lily, as they had studied together from time to time, and had had to play peace-maker more times than Sirius could count. But, in the end, the had emerged with a tentative _acquaintanceship_. An acquaintanceship which had slowly grown into a friendship over the years, as they talked more and got to know one another.

Lily still refused to have anything to do with _Potter_ , however, and Sirius saw no need to change this. He respected the girl, and wasn’t planning on forcing her to make nice and break bread with her self-proclaimed nemesis. After all, she hadn’t forced him into that with Snape.

_Snivellous._ The bastard.

For years, the Slytherin had been calling Lily names behind her back, and waxing poetry to her face. It made him a very desirable pranking target, actually. And while Lily may not have approved – okay she definitely didn’t – Sirius definitely hadn’t been planning on stopping.

You see, the thing about Sirius was that he was _very_ protective about those he considered his family.

When Snape had _finally_ broken under the pressure of having two personas’ (and yes, Sirius _was_ aware that the…pressure had been liberally applied _by_ the Marauders), Sirius had almost been relieved. Until he had found Lily in the third-floor bathroom, eyes red from crying.

The icing on the cake had been the letter clutched in her hands from her _bitch_ of a sister, informing Lily that Petunia had been married two months ago and that this was going to be her last contact with such a _freak_.

Sirius had broken his hand on someone’s face that day.

“Buzz off, Potter.”

“But, Lily-flower –!” James followed after the red-head like a lost little puppy-dog. Sirius almost laughed at the image.

“No, Potter!” Lily whirled around the face him, almost smacking James in the face with her hair as she turned. Her green eyes sparked as she stared down the boy in front of her, “Just leave me alone, okay!”

James pouted as she stalked off down the corridor, and Sirius pushed himself up from where he had been lounging against the wall, uncrossing his arms as he placed a hand on James’ shoulder.

“Tough luck, brother.”

James turned to look at Sirius with sad eyes, “I had a really good one lined up.”

“I’m sure you did, Jamesie.” Sirius placated.

James didn’t seem to really hear him as he continued along, “It was going to finally be the one to win her over!”

“Uh huh.” It was lucky James wasn’t really listening, because Sirius had started to tune out. They started walking towards the Great Hall, James continuing on in the same vein.

The two of them entered the Great Hall, James having stopped whining about his failed attempt at _another_ cheesy pick-up line, and started waxing on about how beautiful Lily’s eyes, and hair, and body, and – yeah, Sirius had really stopped listening about three years ago, when James had decided that the best way to declare his love was to do a strip tease on the common room table (he wasn’t even drunk at the time so he couldn’t use that as an excuse).

They were both taking their usual seats when James finally popped his head up and asked, “Where’s Remus?”

Sirius, shocked as he was from hearing something other than raptures over Lily’s left eyebrow of all things, said, rather eloquently, “Huh?”

James rolled his eyes, asking again, “Remus? Wasn’t he in class with you?”

Waving the question away, Sirius moved his attention to the food before him, “He went to return a book to the infirmary or something. He’ll be down whenever.”

“Try not to sound _too_ distraught over my absence, Pads.”

Sirius turned around as he felt a hand appear on his shoulder, and found himself looking into the smirking face of Remus Lupin.

He grinned, “Hey Moony.”

Remus’ lips curled as he withdrew his hand, flicking his head to the side, “Budge up.”

Sirius shuffled along the bench, supplying space for Remus to sit, and Remus slipped in next to him.

“Did you hear what happened in Flitwick’s third year class?” Remus asked as he slipped his book bag off his shoulder and stowed it at his feet. His eyes were glittering in amusement.

James perked up, “Didn’t one of the Ravenclaw’s try to morph a cheering charm with a babbling hex?”

“No way!” Peter appeared beside James, looking flustered and a bit red. He was grinning as he reached for a bread roll, eyes sparked with interest. He took a bite, “Wha’ happn’d?”

Sirius rolled his eyes as James and Remus launched into the story, deciding to help himself to some soup, and be thankful that James was no longer mooning over Lily Evans.

* * *

Two days later and Sirius had had enough. They were in the middle of a prank, for Merlin’s sake! Creeping down the corridor, and all they could hear was James’ whining.

Sirius stopped suddenly, and James bumped into him, cutting off his monologue. He looked at Sirius in annoyance, “Watch out–”

“For fucks sake, Prongs. _Shut up!”_ Sirius cut him off firmly. James stared wide-eyed at his best friend.

“Padf–“

“No, Potter. I’m done. I can’t listen to you go on about Lily Evans for a minute longer. I’ve put up with it for five years, but I can’t keep going like this. You need help.”

James turned contemplative, and Sirius thought he had finally gotten through to him, but then, James’ eyes lit up, “You mean you’re going to help me?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, turning away from him with a groan.

Best friend or not, there was only so much a boy could take.

* * *

Sirius found Remus reading in the library.

“Moony, I’m going to kill him.”

Remus didn’t bother looking up from his book. Sirius paced in front of him agitatedly.

“I mean it,” He wrung a hand through his hair, “I’m really going to do it. I’m going to kill him.”

Remus turned the page, “That’s nice, dear.”

“I’m going to…I’m gonna,” Sirius groaned, throwing himself into a chair opposite Remus and putting his head in his hands, “Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to help him.”

Slowly, Remus picked up his bookmark and slipped it in place. He closed the book and rested it on the table before steepling his fingers and looking at Sirius.

Sirius lowered his hands to his lap and pouted pleadingly at Remus, “Help me?”

Remus smiled, “All you had to do was ask.”

* * *

James was dying. His life was over, the sky was falling.

Lily Evans was never going to love him.

He was convinced that if he could just convince her to go on one date with him, he could charm her, convince her that he was the one for her! That it was preposterous to believe any different!

He was James Potter! Chaser extraordinaire, and Marauder. There was nothing he couldn’t do.

The door to the dormitory slammed to a close behind him and he froze in place. That didn’t usually happen. Slowly, James looked up.

The beds had been pushed against the walls, clearing a large space in the room, and a white sheet hung in front of the window, covering the wall to the right of the door. In the centre of it all sat a singular spindly chair.

The lights cut out.

James blinked in the sudden darkness, reaching for his wand and pushing his glasses further up his nose with his other hand.

There was a faint click, and a whirl, then a flickering light projected from the wall behind the chair, lighting up the sheet in blue light. The words, _initializing…_ , blinked in the bottom left corner.

The light changed from blue to white, the words ‘SIT DOWN, JAMES’ filling the sheet in block, red letters.

“Um…” James started, glancing around, “Whatever this is, lads, it’s not funny.”

The words blinked away, being replaced by the words ‘YES IT IS’. James didn’t have enough time to roll his eyes before the screen was telling him to ‘SIT DOWN YOU WANKER’.

Resigned, James made his way to the chair, and sat.

* * *

Over the years, James couldn't get Sirius and Remus to tell him how they had gotten the projector to work within Hogwarts. Even after he got his act together toward the end of sixth year, and stopped going after Lily with the same veracity as previous years, his fellow Marauders refused to divulge their secrets.

On the day of his wedding to the love of his life, he tried one more time.

"Come on, Pads," James pleaded, straightening up his tie in the mirror and giving his best man a grin, "Just one hint."

Sirius put a hand on James' shoulder, giving it a squeeze, "Not a chance, pal."

There was a knock on the door, and both men turned to look as it opened a sliver to reveal the grinning face of one Remus Lupin, "They're almost ready for the groom."

James turned back to the mirror, taking a deep breath, "Right. I'm ready."

"You sure?" Sirius quirked an eyebrow at him.

With a huff of air, James chuckled, "Since second year."

Sirius and Remus shared a knowing grin as James turned to face them, spreading his hands. The twinkle in his eyes was familiar.

"Let's get me hitched."

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

* * *

“So...how did you get it to work?” Peter asked, watching as recently minted Head Boy James Potter joined Head Girl Lily Evans in escorting a group of first year Gryffindors out of the Great Hall at the beginning of their seventh year.

Remus grinned, “I isolated the dorm from the rest of the castle, creating a liminal space within which electronics could work. Quite simply really.”

“He passed out directly after,” Sirius cut in.

“Easy as pie.” Remus continued, ignoring Sirius.

“Slept for 24 hours,” Sirius insisted.

“Shut up, Padfoot.”

"As you wish, Moonshine."


End file.
